Are You Playing the Right Hands [in Life]?

I’ve been playing some poker recently.

I’m still new, still green, and still figuring out when to fold and when to apply pressure but I’m getting much better. 

In fact yesterday I played in an online tournament with over 100 players and I reached the final table in first place. 

In the last few sessions, I’ve noticed a pattern that extends far beyond the felt, a parallel between poker and emotional mastery.

A hack to win at the table and win in life. 

It all comes down to Range. 

Poker 101: Understand Range. 

In poker, you don’t just play the two cards in your hand, you play your position, the situation, and your opponent.

Every action you take at the table is based on probabilities, risk, and strategy. And that’s where range comes in.

• Tight players only play the best hands (Aces, Kings, Queens). They fold everything else.

• Loose players play way too many hands, even trash, hoping to hit something.

• Balanced players have a wide but controlled range—they know how to play different hands in different situations.

Range is what separates an amateur from a pro.

If your range is too narrow, you miss opportunities. If it’s too wide, you leak chips.

A strong player knows when to expand his range and when to tighten up.

Based on a number of variables your range will vary and influence the decisions on the table.

If you understand range you turn the game into strategy, probability and mechanics.

If you don’t understand range you are gambling.

And that’s when it hit me, this is exactly how most men handle their emotions.

They don’t understand their emotional range and simply go “all in” overplaying weak hands they are comfortable with.

Here’s what I’ve noticed:

• Some men play only one emotion, anger, because it feels like the safest option. They go all in on rage, aggression, and frustration, even when it’s the wrong play.

• Some fold emotions like sadness, fear, or vulnerability before even considering them. They miss out on connection, growth, and joy without realizing those are winning hands in the right spot.

• Some overplay reckless joy (chasing highs) or fear-based avoidance (playing too passive).

• Some never take a stand because they don’t want to risk rejection or discomfort. They play so tight that they never make a move.

If you don’t understand your emotional range, you either suppress everything (folding too much) or overreact irrationally (shoving with garbage hands).

Either way, you’re getting played.

Your Emotional Range Dictates Your Probability of Winning

The best poker players don’t just react, they adjust.

And the best men don’t just feel, they respond.

If you want to win in life, you need to expand your emotional range.

This begins first with understanding what the range is.

If nobody has told you yet, you have 7 Core Emotions — that means you are capable of feeling more than just Angry, Horny and Hungry.

That’s part of the problem though… most men are never taught or modeled this.

So they go into every encounter with only one playable hand…

You don’t have to be a poker player to understand what a gamble that is.

It might work for a little while…

Being aggressive, angry or controlling, in fact you might even get ahead and win a bit…

But stay at the table long enough and you’ll eventually get wiped out.

Emotions are Biological Signals NOT absolute Truths.

There are 7 Core Emotions that are hardwired into our emotional and biological experience as humans.

They are signals that are designed to trigger an immediate response.

• Anger is protective emotion, it drives action, it pushes you to do something.

• Fear, is a withdrawing emotion, it increases awareness and prompts you to pause.

• Sadness, is a connecting emotion, and stimulates reflection.

• Disgust, is a reflexive emotion triggering a retreat (ever drink sour milk?).

• Joy, is a pleasure emotion and indicates alignment.

• Excitement, is an arousal emotion and drives pursuit.

• Love, is a belonging emotion and creates connection.

If you are only aware of 1-2 emotions you are at a significant disadvantage in life.

That’s like my first few games of poker before I understood playable range, I went hard on the paint without any awareness or strategy and lost countless times.

Which is exactly how I handled most of my relationships and emotions for the first 30 years of my life.

I was just angry [or not angry] with little variance in between.

Expanding your Emotional Range (playable hands)

If you want to win, you must understand the fundamentals.

Just like in poker, range and position are far more important than the cards you are dealt.

You can have a “bad hand” and still win the pot if you understand the mechanics.

… the same can be said for life.

You could have been raised with poor parental modeling and still experience deep levels of joy, fulfillment and love.

What most of us men are never taught is how to process our emotions in a healthy way.

Anger, is the most common emotion that men can identify and its typically the only one they can clearly label.

The truth however is it’s typically a cover up protecting a much more intimate emotion like fear or sadness.

If you stay in anger shielding yourself from other emotions they stay repressed only growing under the surface causing more long-term heartache.

All emotions have a beginning, middle, and end which means when they are felt fully the energy behind them disappears.

But if you never completely feel the emotional cycle the energy behind that emotion grows driving some type of impulsive behavior…

Emotional Constipation

Let’s say you are sad or fearful at your core.

It could be from a very real experience that you never allowed yourself to completely feel.

Growing up I was raised by a single mom, my father figures were deadbeats and I grew up dealing with many adult problems at a young age.

This created a worldview that men are selfish, can’t be trusted and everyone is just looking out for themselves.

This unhealthy perspective was supported and amplified by my mom’s hurt, pain and anger towards men — a single mom tasked with raising a son.

At my core, I was sad, I was sad that my dad and stepdad didn’t take a more personal interest in me. I was sad for the burden my mom carried raising me. I was sad that I missed out on father and son stuff that my other friends had. I was sad that I wasn’t made a priority and forced to grow up fast.

I was also fearful, I was afraid I’d end up just like my dads. I was afraid I would cause hurt and pain just like them. I was afraid because I couldn’t answer the question…

“What does it mean to be a man?”

The fear and sadness were very real emotions based on my experience, but I didn’t have the tools or modeling to understand what to do with them.

So I modeled what I knew… Anger.

I stayed angry for a long time avoiding the emotions under the surface, pursuing, chasing and controlling, suppressing the real emotions and creating a default state of anger.

I was emotionally constipated.

The shift was realizing the cards I had been playing created more loss than wins, that created enough self awareness to begin exploring the range.

How to start Winning More

Self awareness is the first step.

It’s a Poker Players PNL (Profit and Loss Statement) — are you winning or losing?

If you’re winning, refine the strategy.

If you’re losing, change your strategy.

As a man it’s your peace, quality of relationships and sense of self.

If you’re not winning when it comes to healthy emotional range, then change your strategy and approach.

1. Get clear on the ways you avoid your emotions.

Default settings, distractions, drinking or drugs are all ways to avoid doing the work, you know you are hear when the behavior triggers anxiety, guilt or shame.

2. Start identifying the hands you fold too quickly.

When was the last time you actually allowed yourself to feel joy or sadness without shutting it down? What’s one emotion you ignore because it makes you uncomfortable?

3. Recognize when you’re on tilt.

If you feel rage, anxiety, or guilt, pause. What’s the deeper feeling underneath?

4. Stop doing it alone bro.

Poker and Life are not designed to be played on an island. Community and relationship is everything to becoming a High Value Man.

We learn masculinity and healthy emotional range spending time with other men.

The same way a poker player who studies game theory, gets mentorship AND plays will level far faster than a nerd just running sims.

It doesn’t matter what hands you’re dealt.

You could have pocket Aces and still lose the hand if you don’t understand the fundamentals.

Alternatively you could have been dealt absolute crap and still come out a winner.

The difference between winning and losing [in poker and life] is understanding the cards you get are only a picture of possibility, not an absolute truth.

Expand your range, level up your strategy and get better.

All in,

E

PS… Winning at poker and winning at life all comes down to understanding the fundamentals. The path to Mastering the Game of Life comes down to you looking at the cards you’re dealt and learning how to play them.

This is what the 40 Day Mastery Challenge is all about. Its a deep dive self-awareness training that will help you level up in your Faith, Fitness, Family and Finances, it will teach you how understand your emotions, expand your range and become a High Value Man.

====> Get access to The 40 Day Mastery Challenge for $1 a Day

Price is going up soon, so don’t wait.