The Problem with Men these days...

and what to do about it.

Masculine Initiation: The Warrior

  • The problem with Men these days.

  • The Question every Man asks:

  • How Men became Men.

  • Your cock: Cut or uncut?

  • The path to King, Warrior first.

You don’t have to look very far to see to see that masculinity has taken a serious nose dive in the last 50 years.

Our "Modern Man” has become a viral meme — soft, flaccid and feminine.

A shell, barely reflecting the traditional values of strength, power and leadership.

To make matters worse we have an emerging gender neutral counterculture that is outright rejecting masculinity — with mainstream media softening the traditional man to a bumbling idiot.

The effect is far reaching — from politics, television and even our military standards for masculinity are being lowered.

I have my fair share of theories as to why this agenda is being pushed…

A docile man is easier to control. Keep him fat, lazy and with low T — and disconnected from the tribe of real men and there are no threats.

But what we are seeing are just symptoms — the problem is much deeper.

There are several contributing factors to the decline of MAN:

  • The rise of the industrial development sending fathers away from raising their sons…

  • Duel income households forcing boys into female dominated education systems…

  • And a rise in environmental endocrine disrupters lowering testosterone and creating estrogen dominant “Soy Boys”…

But the greatest reason we are seeing a decline in masculinity is because we have lost touch with the process of violent tribal initiation…

There are four stages of life for men and women.

Birth through Coming of Age.

These early years are developmental, focused on mimicking and modeling. We learn through observation, trial and error.

Transitioning from childhood to adulthood crosses the coming of age stage into a period of self discovery and application.

Coming of Age through Marriage.

We enter a period of life that has matured past observation and into the chapter of commitment.

We find professions, hobbies and build relationship and family. We learn how to commit to ourselves, others and the world at large.

In our last chapter we look through the lens of heritage and legacy.

Marriage through Death.

As we approach the end of our timeline it is no longer about us, but how to pass on the wisdom to future generations.

Each milestone is pivotal in our life and lives of those around us.

  • Birth - Celebration of new life.

  • Coming of Age - Welcoming as transition from childhood to adulthood.

  • Marriage - Honored for the union of two parts.

  • Death - Revered for a life lived.

Women, have a clear coming of age.

Biology greets a girl into womanhood with her first menstruation — there is a clear milestone that cannot be denied, the ceremony that the society adopts is dependent on the culture or family but it can be represented as the Quinceañera, (Spanish: “15 years [feminine form]”) the celebration of a girl's 15th birthday, marking her passage from girlhood to womanhood; or simply her first trip to the grocery store to buy a box of tampons.

There is a definitive [and unforgettable] before and after that marks the completion of the coming of age.

Men are different, the gift of masculinity doesn’t just show up — it must be bestowed.

This is the first lesson a man must learn.

Everything is earned. Nothing is given.

There is no biological marker — nothing inside the boy changes that signifies manhood, it is a gift given through a process of suffering and celebrated by the tribe of men.

In our modern society most men [boys] don’t have this.

While they age, get married, have careers and start families the modern man is haunted by the question: am I really a man?

If a man is unable to answer this — he will wreak havoc in the pursuit of the answer.

How Men became Men.

For a man, initiation begins with separation.

He is taken from the comfortable world of Woman and introduced to the world of men.

In traditional tribal culture, the ceremony of initiation is violent and dramatic.

Among the Xhosa and Zulu in Africa, young males traditionally undergo an elaborate initiation ritual.

This includes separation and isolation from the community, particularly women, for several weeks. Then a ceremony of circumcision where the discarded foreskin symbolizes leaving behind boyhood lives to become men.

The tradition for the Xhosa people involves circumcision as part of their initiation into manhood.

The initiates, known as abakwetha, undergo several days of pain, hunger, and cold, symbolizing the trials of life.

This period of seclusion and suffering represents their transition from boyhood to manhood.

This process of mutilation may sound brutal — but it is in fact beautiful because none of these boys will ever question if they are in fact a man.

They proved it to themselves and their tribe.

Cutting off the foreskin symbolizes that a man must enter the world fully exposed.

To be vulnerable and penetrating. That is what it means to be a man.

Heart open and purpose forward.

Symbolically that self protective layer of skin represents boyhood, comfort and an umbilical connection to the world of woman.

In between womb and the world the man must cut the tie, physically and symbolically if he is to transform into a man.

In our modern culture we see remnants of the ancient ways.

  • The military has a process of separation, mutilation and transformation that men who join attribute to their masculine development — its not uncommon for the enlisted to tattoo with pride the stamp of their journey, marking their flesh as a before and after.

  • We see it in college fraternities through hazing, branding and paddling as initiates struggle through a process of acceptance. Those that make it are welcomed into the brotherhood — those that don’t are cast away.

The final phase is the reintroduction.

The man has separated from the nurturing comfort of the feminine and has transformed. Through a process of suffering and sacrifice he connects to a strength and fire inside.

He has walked through isolation, discomfort and challenge and has discovered a deep well of strength in the spirit of man.

It’s from this place that he needs nothing from the world but has everything to give. Vulnerable and penetrating he gives his creative force.

This is what the world is missing: initiated men.

I remember my circumcision.

I was 7.

It was shortly after my parents got divorced and my mom and I moved from California to Arizona into my grandmothers house.

My dad was out of the picture labeled a deadbeat dad and my mom took on the responsibility of raising a son.

The why behind this late stage circumcision is irrelevant — my mom made a decision that she thought was best.

I can only tell you how I felt and the impact its had on my relationship with women — and the greater impact on my own masculine initiation.

I remember laying on the living room couch with my very tender part wrapped in gauze.

I was in pain, confused and surrounded by women.

In that moment she was the reason for my physical pain and the source for my safety and comfort.

Lots to unpack there, which we will discuss in a future letter [Breaking up with Mother].

It created an unhealthy codependent bond that I am only beginning to fully gain freedom from and a 25 year relationship with women where my only focus was to conquer, control and take from.

Without the intercession of the healthy masculine a mothers best intentions will rot the core of man.

A woman can birth a boy, but she can’t create a man.

Sadly… most single parent households are predominately women led and from my experience having coached 100’s of men I recognize a theme of a mothers unconscious emasculation of men.

It is not intentional, I don’t blame my mom — and neither should you— this is generational, this is the result of an absence of masculinity and if the man does not wake up to the inner workings of his own psyche he will make matters much worse.

The pain we are seeing in the world is the product of uninitiated men.

In recent years through processing and many hours of therapy and coaching I’ve recognized a deep well of rage…

a violent and visceral anger towards the ignorance of our collective upbringing.

The easy place to start was the rage towards my mom and the impact it’s had on my relationship with women.

How could you? I’ll show you.

Then it expanded to my father.

You lazy SOB. You disgust me. I’ll be nothing like you.

Then beyond to my fathers father — his grandfather and great great grandfathers and beyond.

To the energetic root of our shared masculine core.

We are in this together.

We can’t go forward by going backward.

It is no more his fault than it is mine.

The blood boiling anger that lives inside is energy — raw, powerful and passionate.

Undirected it will wreak havoc — this is the shadow patriarch that rapes, pillages, destroys and corrupts all that is beautiful.

The shadow of masculinity that has created the great divide between between men and woman.

But, directed towards a transcendent cause — something purposeful and far greater than self the fiery rage is protective, penetrating and healing.

A mans first step in initiation is to master the rage within.

This is the path of the warrior.

I shared in my first article [Send It: My 2024 Word of the Year] that everything that is anything has four parts.

Each part is a pillar to a peak state.

Man in his highest self [peak state] is a King.

From story to psyche the King archetype represents, wisdom, strength, generosity, and honor.

The King sits on the throne present for each moment — with the ability to act in any direction.

He has freedom, power and ultimate autonomy.

But, the King doesn’t just arrive on the throne — and the great King is not alone.

He has a counsel:

  • The body of discipline which is represented by the Warrior.

  • The mind of thinking and intellect represented by the Scholar.

  • The heart of compassion and creativity represented by the Artist.

  • The spirit of wisdom and discernment represented by the Priest.

These four parts make up the counsel to the King and any great man who hopes to achieve Kingship must travel through the domains of the parts.

The first domain is that of the Warrior and marks the first gateway through the BODY and entrance into Masculinity.

This is where the man learns to channel his rage to a transcendent cause by mastering his flesh.

This is the intersection of Masculine Initiation — this is where most men are stuck.

He must first Separate, Mutilate and Transform BEFORE reintroducing himself to the world.

No man is worthy of the crown if he cannot master his impulses — so discipline, sacrifice and suffering become the tools of training for the Warrior.

Master the flesh and the mind begins to follow — the Scholar, study, innovation and mental mastery.

With mind and body in alignment the heart of the artist, creative and compassionate has direction.

It’s dangerous for a man to follow his heart — for the world and women — that is what the process of initiation teaches a boy.

It doesn’t matter how you feel boy — the work must get done.

By mastering the physical domain of the body, mind and heart, discernment and wisdom follow.

And we have a well rounded man [King].

All parts are necessary — but the first place to start is to self initiate.

The problem we are seeing in society is generations of uninitiated boys parading as men.

Self protective, selfish and covering their sensitive bits.

Soft, flaccid shapes of men that crumble under the pressure of responsibility and seek validation and approval by dancing like fairies online.

What the world needs is KING’s — but we need Warrior first.

Strong men with a transcendent cause.

Your process of initiation begins with separation.

If you can’t go on a walkabout — start with separating yourself from the comfort of the world.

  • Do hard shit.

  • Stop simping and following thirst traps.

  • Don’t watch porn.

  • Get incredibly jacked, be a beacon of strength.

  • Master skillsets like writing, marketing and sales.


Prove yourself to the tribe — BUILD THE MAN.

Much Love.


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