The lie your momma told you...

Struck a cord recently with a post.

“The more a man is in touch with his feminine side, the more his woman is in touch with another man.”

Let’s clear it up.

“Being in Touch with Your Feminine Side” is the worst advice a man could take.

This phrase is everywhere. Recycled by influencers. Reinforced by hurt women.

… and likely something your heard from your mom.

And it sounds like this:

“If you just got more emotional, more expressive, more open—then women would feel safer and love you more.”

But that’s not what she wants.

And that’s not what you need.

The “Nice Guy”: A Product of Misguided Masculinity

The Nice Guy isn’t born weak, he’s trained that way.

Raised without strong, present fathers, many boys grew up under the emotional authority of women.

They learned early: “Be good, don’t make waves, keep mom happy.”

School doubled down. Sit still. Be quiet. Don’t fight. Compete less. Conform more.

Society sealed the deal. Masculinity was labeled toxic, dangerous, or outdated.

So boys tried to become the kind of men women said they wanted, sensitive, emotional, soft.

“in touch”

But here’s the problem:

Women don’t want a man who becomes like them.

They want a man who understands them, protects them, and leads them.

The Nice Guy suppresses his masculine core to seek approval, and ends up frustrated, emasculated, and alone and completely out of touch with his masculine core.

You can identify a “Nice Guy” pretty quickly… I know because I used to be one.

• Raised by women, more female friends than male.

• Rewarded for compliance, non-confrontational and passive.

• Taught to share feelings without a frame, reactive, impulsive.

• Passive (aggressive), indirect, easily triggered, reactionary.

• People pleasing and living well below their potential.

• Approval seeking, not authentic.

Nice guys get friend-zoned.

Cheated on.

Left wondering what happened.

Because they were never taught to lead from masculine strength.

What Women Actually Want

Women don’t want you “in touch with your feminine side.”

They want you to be different than the men who:

• Lack consistency.

• Ignore emotions.

• Disconnect when it gets hard.

She wants:

• Emotional intelligence within masculine leadership.

• Strength with sensitivity.

• Power with presence.

Masculine Leadership Looks Like This:

1. Respond, don’t react.

Emotions don’t dictate your actions, discipline does.

2. Provide structure.

Vision. Clarity. Leadership. That’s your edge.

3. Create safety and stability.

Through consistency, integrity, and presence.

Healthy Masculinity is about Integration NOT Imitation

Feminine by nature is intuitive, reactive and emotionally centered — this is beautiful and it’s what we love about our women.

… and it needs a safe container to blossom within the structure of healthy masculinity.

Think of it like The Earth and The Sun.

The Earth is Feminine. The Sun is Masculine.

The Earth is life giving, nurturing and unpredictable.

There are storms, seasons and uncertainty.

Regardless, of what is happening on The Earth, The Sun Shines.

… It does not imitate the changes of the earth, it simply shines.

The two create polarity, balance and life.

They co-exist uniquely in an intimate life giving integration, they don’t imitate each other.

If just for one day The Sun decided to stop shining… all life would shrivel and die on Earth.

This is what happens to our women when we match their emotions rather than leading ours.

Personal Masculine Mastery is the Key to Healthy Relationships

Emotional awareness ≠ emotional dominance.

Feeling deeply ≠ being led by feelings.

Balance ≠ softness.

Just like The Sun, you need purpose as a man.

Something that you do regardless of what she does.

Vocation, Vision, Core Values, Purpose, Meaning, Mission… Personal Mastery.

When you pursue this, your life creates radiant light, it warms the atmosphere and nourishes those around you.

This give her the freedom and nutrients to be fully feminine.

Stop Chasing Her Role

When you take on her traits, emotional volatility, passivity, chaos, you destroy polarity.

You put HER into the masculine, you rob her of safety, security and her ability to be loving and nurturing.

This will drive her now only away from you…

… but likely into the arms of another man, career or some form of control.

Masculine is not cold. Masculine is clear.

Masculine is not harsh. Masculine is rooted.

Masculine is not passive. Masculine is presence.

You be the man.

Let her be the woman.

Let life unfold.

How To: Healthy Masculinity

The same way the “Nice Guy” worldview was created is the same way The High Value Man Frame must be built.

1. Spend time with other Men.

Not barstool buddies, but conscious men who pursue Vision, Values and stack Victories. We learn by modeling, get good models. You cannot do this alone.

2. Pursue Mission, Vision and Mastery

She is a priority, NOT your purpose. If you make her your purpose you will destroy polarity and lose her. Understand your mission and pursue it wholeheartedly.

3. Spend time with other Men.

Yes, I said it again. Every man needs mentors, models, brothers and peers - the lone wolf dies first. Stop trying to do it alone.

Get plugged in with other men, church, gym or a Men’s Group like The High Value Man Community.

You’re the man, you got this.

Rooting for you.

E