- Erin Alejandrino
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- The worst thing you can say as a man
I’ve been hosting a free weekly call called “Office Hours” every Thursday at 10:00am for the last 3 years, it’s a simple check-in call I offer to my clients and prospective HVM members.
The format is simple, first come, first serve, show up ready to engage and answer the question:
What are you working on and working through?
I never know how many men will show up so it’s important that the guys know to present their problem (or opportunity) in a clear and concise statement.
“I’m working on time management with my new job…”
“I’m working through some fear around…”
It teaches the men to quickly identify the problem so we can craft a solution without all the story and context.
It’s a very useful tool to differentiate the facts, feelings and actions needed to create consistent progress.
Most people, myself included at times, mix up the the facts with the feelings and don’t have a clear idea of what action to take.
If you can’t identify the problem, you can’t test a solution.
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
Life is all about problem solving, testing solutions and taking consistent action.
If you don’t take action overwhelm and anxiety take over — this is where the feelings around the problem seem to amplify.
Even the wrong action (with intentional direction) is better than no action.
Action gives us feedback and the feedback allows us to calibrate.
Because, we have limited time on the calls and several men, we have separate the story and feeling from the actual roadblock.
Identify Issue
Discuss Potential First Step
Take Action
It’s a surprisingly simple process that works wonderfully.
and it’s one of my favorite parts of the week.
You can join for free Here.
But, sometime the men that join don’t know where to start…
They can’t clearly identify the problem, priorities are all mixed up and their hi-jacked by their emotions and they respond with “I don’t know”.
This is the worst thing a man can say.
It’s a hands up victim-mindset, weak and beta approach.
Now, I get it, “you don’t know” — because you’ve probably never faced this particular type of problem, but it’s the failure behind the phrasing that really gets me.
It’s a childish disempowered phrase that has become far too acceptable.
You’re not meant to know everything… you didn’t know how to walk, talk or read at one point and you eventually figured it out.
And of course you don’t know, that’s why you’re on a coaching call.
How you say things matters and the better, more empowering way to say “I don’t know” that puts you on the path to figuring it out…
“I don’t know where to start, but I’m committed to learning”
Perfect, let’s explore.
When someone doesn’t know where to start it’s typically because every problem feels like a priority.
If every problem is in 1st position you can’t focus on the most important.
While it may feel like everything is important there is typically a first domino that when focused on makes everything else easier and automatic.
When someone doesn’t know where to start I ask them to rank themselves across their Four F’s.
“Rank yourself 1-5 across each of your F’bombs — let’s identify the lowest score, separate fact from feeling and create some action you can do today”
Faith — A belief based mindset that they can do, achieve, have or be more.
Fitness — The physical and emotional strength and endurance to pursue their goals.
Family — Respect, admiration and connection to their spouse, kids and community.
Finances — The skills that generate income and impact so they can build wealth and a lasting Legacy.
The numbers are arbitrary but it allows them to quickly categorize and prioritize their problems/opportunities and place them in buckets.
This creates near instant clarity.
Clarity followed by intentional action creates progress.
This is how you win.
So, what are you working on or working through?
How would you rate your Four F’s?
Would love to hear from you.
E
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