- Erin Alejandrino
- Posts
- End the vicious cycle [VICES]
5 minute read
The only thing that stands in the way.
Why we fail.
The three steps to overcoming vices.
25 Questions that will change your life
You will be forced to face what you avoid.
When you have clarity of VISION.
Operate from CORE VALUES.
And stack consistent VICTORIES.
You are on path to purpose, fulfillment and your life VOCATION.
You are an example, leader, lighthouse and High Value Man.
It’s rare that even external obstacles will deter you from success… once you build momentum you become a powerful force where nothing stands in your way.
But, just like rust can age and decay the strongest steel — the real enemy is within.
This is why you must Identify and understand your VICES.
We all have them in varying degrees…
The one’s above the surface are easy to identify.
Drinking, drugs, porn and gambling create a near instant effect of shame or guilt.
This is a good indicator that what you’ve just done is not in alignment with your purpose or calling.
A VICE is a harmful or immoral habit that negatively impacts an individual's well-being or ethical standing.
They typically compound over time.
One drink leads to many and the next thing you know you’ve traveled down the road of bad decision.
Damaging your reputation, relationship and self-esteem.
Typically, the feeling of disappointment then leads to another spiral of poor decisions and we’re left with an emptiness that just craves more vices.
It’s a vicious cycle that so many repeat.
An alcoholic may give up booze only to pick up eating…
A drug addict gives up his drug of choice and distracts with woman or porn…
Or maybe there is nothing “bad” that you do but you find yourself working 80 hours a week and your family and relationships suffer…
These are symptoms and mutations of a surface vice and neglect of understanding what is really under the surface.
A VICE is a coping mechanism to help deal with the stress of anxiety of challenges.
The surface behavior becomes conditioned by repetition and eventually becomes habitually affecting our character and identity.
We begin to believe we are the behavior.
When faced with a challenge we always have two options.
Take the easy route, pleasure, comfort & convenience and feed our VICES...
Or choose to stack a purposeful VICTORY that builds our confidence and competence.
To end the vicious cycle of VICES we need to do three things.
Identify
Lets say you have a VICE of reckless spending…
The process of Identifying the VICE is first to see what is above the surface by intentional inquiry.
Here are some example questions…
The VICE I am working on is: reckless spending, not following a budget and being impulsive with my money.
By engaging in this behavior I [list out all the negative things it creates]: I don’t have adequate savings, too much debt and feel ashamed that I can’t do things that I want. It doesn’t create security for my partner and I worry I am one bill away from serious problems.
When I engage in this behavior I feel [how do you feel during the act]: It feels good to get what I want when I want it and not have to wait.
After I engage in this behavior I feel: I feel guilty because because I know better.
I am [embarrassed / ashamed / disappointed] in this behavior because: I am embarrassed, ashamed and disappointed in myself.
What I am losing from this behavior is [list out the pain]: I am losing out on a future that I say that I want. I am not able to do things I really want to do and I am creating risk for those around me.
What I am gaining from this behavior is [list out the benefits]: I’m getting immediate satisfaction.
I learned this behavior from: **I learned this behavior from my Dad, he never planned or prepared for the future and taught me to just live in the moment.
I am finally ready to be done with this behavior because [compelling why]: I am finally ready to be done with this behavior because my future wife and kids deserve a great life and future. I am done being selfish are ready to start practicing discipline in this area.
Discuss
What works in the 12 Steps of AA, therapy, coaching, counseling and community is relationship.
Vices like to keep you isolated feeling like you’re the only one struggling with the behavior.
A healthy tribe helps lift the burden and give you solutions and support you need to overcome the problem.
Find someone that has overcome what you are struggling with and create relationship based on intrusive accountability.
This means you give them permission to check in, challenge and confront the behavior WITH YOU.
Here is an example of what you could discuss with a trusted mentor.
I am sharing my VICE with: John my coach.
The solution we discussed as a replacement is: Establishing a monthly budget and setting margins. 10%/10%/10%/70% — 10% tithe or charitable giving, 10% savings, 10% Investments and living on no more than 70% of income.
The accountability we have in place looks like: A monthly check in and permission for John to review financials at any time.
SOLVE
You need to develop a new habit to replace the old one.
This means systematic actions that feed the feeling the VICE was distracting from.
This also typically means you need to END, EDIT and EXIT any relationships or environments that trigger the vice.
An alcoholic new in recovery shouldn’t be a bartender on the weekend.
Put something into place that creates solutions.
The Vice I am eliminating is: Reckless Spending.
The old behavior was causing [list the problems or pain]: Debt, doubt and feelings of guilt and shame.
I need to end, edit or exit [list what needs to change to remove the trigger]: I am editing how I spend, what I immediately do with my money and ending my buying of “convenient food” (grubhub, postmates) and planning my meals accordingly.
I am replacing the new behavior with [list all possible solutions]: a monthly budget, gamified spending, when investments, savings reach $100k each taking myself on a vacation.
I have accountability in place by [list all the ways you are creating accountability]: Monthly budget review, permission from accountability partner to “spot check finances”, moving savings account to different account not linked to main checking.
If you’re struggling with VICES now your first step is to gain clarity on a VISION you do want.
Most people stay STUCK in old habitual behavior because they can’t visualize an other way.
That’s why VISION is the first step.
Then establish new VALUES. Men operate from DEFAULT because they have never designed intentional CORE VALUES.
After you have those two in place start stacking VICTORIES these are intentional wins that build your confidence and competence so you can take on the challenge of your vices.
Do this repeatedly until your VICES become a thing of the past.
These are the first four steps to the High Value Man Success formula.
A proven formula that takes the average man through the process of becoming a High Value Man.
If you want to learn more about the High Value Man program take a few minutes and complete the GAP MAP a 25 question self discovery survey to give you insight on how you are leading in your Four F’s.
Faith
Fitness
Family
Finances
Much love & Many Blessings,
E
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